I have just been informed, much to my great relief and surprise, that I am not the World’s Worst Person. Certainly I ran a good race, but it seems that to take first place with style requires more than I’ve got. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution (through the oddball news site FARK), reports that an Atlanta man has gone the extra mile to earn that coveted distinction from New York web site gawker.com.
I have always thought that in the interest of scientific accuracy, the term “meteoric” should describe a descent, rather than an ascent. Let’s take it from the top, then, and follow John Fitzgerald Page’s flaming, meteoric re-entry into the atmosphere of public disdain. We’ll begin with his decision to post a profile on dating site match.com using the screen name, “IvyLeagueAlum.” Subtle, isn’t it? One young lady, who now admits she should have known better, sent him a wink, which is just a signal of mild interest on Match.
In response to the wink, our hero sent an amazingly arrogant, chest-pounding, come-hither (if you think you’re worthy) e-mail to the young lady. In it he boasted of his high-rise condo, his Ivy League (Penn / Wharton) undergrad and graduate degrees, his workout regimen, and his job with Limited Brands. He also immediately asked about the lady’s educational background, height, weight, and exercise habits.
The lady, smart one that she is, used a built-in form letter on Match to send him a “Thanks, but no thanks.” Most guys would have just moved on, but not our World’s Worst Person. Instead, he blasted back with the following missive, which I reproduce in its entirety purely because my own meager writing skills could not begin to do justice to its description.
I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards – not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!
So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don’t blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel’s Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren’t any more of those!
Regards,
John
Isn’t that charming? He wrote one paragraph dedicated to pointedly insulting a woman who would dare to reject him, and followed it up with a second paragraph dangerously overpressurized with slimy, narcissistic self-promotion. When that paragraph burst, it splattered Fitzgerald’s excuse for a personality over every blog, tabloid, and newspaper in the country.
The AJC, in fact, attempted to contact Fitzgerald for an interview. Predictably enough (do you see this coming?), he asked if he’d be compensated, and when he was told no, he declined to comment, mentioning that Inside Edition was offering him cash for an exclusive on the story.
Congratulations, John Fitzgerald Page, for beating out tough competition like me, and proving yourself truly worthy of the title, “World’s Worst Person.” May God have mercy on your dates.
Special Note: The author would like to thank Keith Ball, Principal of Woodstock Middle School in Cherokee County, Georgia, for all the extra traffic he has been driving to this site.
If Mr. Ball referred you to this blog, please understand that his actions are the result of his personal vendetta against my fiancee’, Allison Burnes. For the record, Allison Burnes does not write, edit, approve, or support what is published here. I alone am responsible for this content.
Mr. Ball’s problem is with me, but he can’t seem to muster the courage to take me to task directly. Instead, he is referring all of Allison’s prospective employers here, hoping to sabotage her career by blaming my writings on her. It’s wrong, and you deserve to know his motives and the relevant facts. If you would like to read all of the articles related to Mr. Ball as of 2-15-2010, please use this link. The posts are displayed in reverse chronological order, so read from the bottom up. Thank you for visiting.
In my last post, which was some weeks ago, I lamented how the Cherokee County schools were unable to afford something as simple and inexpensive as a bulletin board, after the hundreds of thousands they spend every year keeping the principals’ yachts maintained.
Today, a bold new plan is being presented, and as it turns out, there is money for bulletin boards after all! The problem is that the school really would rather not spend it, and is asking local businesses, families, and individuals to pony up the cash instead.
The following (horrible formatting, garish colors and all) came from principal Keith Ball. Keep reading; I have further comments below the text.
Facility Improvement Plan for
Woodstock Middle School
- Rotunda Data Chart – WMS to fund $669.25
- Rotunda Count-Down Board – WMS to fund $490.97
- Staining of the Outdoor Classroom – damage and vandalism – currently it cannot be used until this is completed. WMS to fund $2,300
- Blinds for Media Center – damaged; not dark enough.
WMS to fund $3,712.16 – $5,643.04
- Main Office Area Rug Replacement – original rug from 1996.
WMS to fund $639 (1 needed) PAID 10/18/2007
- Entrance way Mats – currently only some doors have them.
WMS to fund $1,228.37 (6 needed)
- Bulletin Boards in Hallways to Preserve New Paint – WMS to fund $727.16
- Landscaping – “tired”, many dead shrubs, overgrown plantings, needs new mulch. WMS to fund
- Rail Chairs in Rooms with Tile – have damaged the new floors. Pipe insulation bought from Home Depot to preserve the floors WMS to fund
~$50 per classroom x 12 = $600.
- Teacher Mini-Grants – Teachers apply to the PTSA for a monetary grant towards continuing education or supplies for their classroom. PTSA to fund
- Student Scholarships – Students apply for a monetary reward based on need and a criteria set by the PTSA. PTSA to fund
Adopt-a-Project:
- Companies that provide services and/or funds for any of these projects will have an advertising banner hung in the WMS Gym and will be listed on our website as an Official Partner In Education.
- We welcome any individuals or families who would like to donate to any of these projects.
I have a few questions about all this. First of all, you’ll notice that the list includes seven bulletin boards for the hallways, at a cost of around $700. Recall, now, that a teacher asked for a bulletin board in her classroom, where one is really needed, and was turned down. Hallway bulletin boards in my school days generally displayed little that was of interest and nothing that was of educational value, so we can see where the priorities lie here.
Also note the odd logic the principal uses. “To preserve new paint.” It sounds like a great justification, except that teachers are already forbidden to attach anything to the walls. The paint is already being preserved. The bulletin boards will allow things to be displayed in the hallways, which doesn’t sound quite so essential.
No one, of course, can dispute the educational value of a front office rug. I hear it’s oriental and very nice. For that price, it’d better be. “Tired” landscaping and “not dark enough” blinds are also clear impediments to the educational process, and we can’t expect students to learn in the presence of such things.
That last bit, the part in bright purple, is interesting too. WMS will hang advertising banners in the gym for businesses that donate and become “partners in landscaping and paint preservation.” My question would be this: who’s buying the banners, and who’s paying the county maintenance guy to come hang them?
Update: Principal Ball apparently wasn’t at all happy at first with his document finding its way onto the internet. Given its appearance and content, I can’t say I blame him. It was when he discovered this blog entry that he attempted to censor this blog in the most cowardly way possible, by putting pressure on my fiancee’, a third party having no control or accountability for my writing. He even went so far as to violate my copyright by illegally printing this blog and placing it in her personnel file.